You are scored on my heart Clark Always!
by maria190
Summary: The day that Will decided to write the goodbye letter to Clark. His feelings and his point of view. I love this couple !


**Okay. Hello my friends. This is how I imagine the moment, the day that Will decided to write the goodbye letter to Clark. For those who haven't read my stories about Will and Lou, I must say that I completely support this couple. I was too sad and heartbroken by Will's decision to go to Dignitas in the end. So the story below depicts and describes the moment Will decided to write the goodbye letter to his love. To Clark as he likes and prefers to call her. I will appreciate your reviews. Means a lot. Thanks the site for giving me the chance to write these stories. And thanks the readers and members for reading and reviewing my other stories about them. I hope you'll make the same for this story. I will keep writing new stories and new chapters about them because I am so connected to this love story and characters. This is a one chapter story, so I hope you could tell me your opinion. I love this couple!**

It's a rainy day. Clark and I are watching another film with subtitles. She loved her first one. This time it was a comedy. She makes me laugh. She makes me happy. I never thought that this was possible. Not after my accident. I could see into her big beautiful eyes and see hope. See how much she cares about me and loves me too. We were not a boss and a carer anymore. We weren't just friends. Now, we are something more. Something else. Even we haven't told this to each other, we make sure to show it to each other every single day. The fact that we fell in love. We are in love. And we'll always be. No matter what.

"Okay. Will, this film was great. We should do it more often. Watching movies together."

"Well the film could be greater if you didn't bother to ask me every once in a while about it Clark"

"Oh come on you know I was completely in it."

"Yes Clark. Relax. I know. Just kidding. I'm glad you were. And I agree. We should do it more often"

"Okay, it's settled then. Will, I would love to stay longer but I have to take care of little Thomas. Your dad will come to watch with you the football game. So …. I'll leave without worrying … about you"

"I'll be fine Clark. Don't worry. And maybe next time you can bring little Thomas here. I'd love to meet him"

She looked at me surprised with her beautiful eyes and I saw the joy and the light in them. Louisa Clark is as attached to me as I am to her. She is the only thing that keeps me living easier in this world . She keeps me happy. Even if I will go there. In Switzerland. I wish we had more time. I want us to have more time. But the pain is excruciating. Life can be great. With her. If only I wasn't in this bloody wheelchair.

"You want to meet my nephew?"

"Haven't I just told you I want to? I think you're having hearing problems Clark"

She smiled at me and said:

"Okay next time. I promise Will"

"Okay" I said to her smiling with a light in my eyes.

My dad entered the annex as Clark and I were looking at each other expressing our feelings without having to say anything.

"Good afternoon. Louisa how are you?"

"I am fine Mr. Traynor. Thank you. And you?"

"I am very well thank you. Ok Will are you up to for the game?"

"Of course I am"

"Well I will make the two of you some tea and snacks and I will leave you to it. It's game time for you two, plus I have …."

"Yes, the baby sitting for little Thomas Clark" I said to her smiling.

A few minutes later she was ready to go.

"Okay Mr. Traynor, Will, I'll see you tomorrow"

"See you tomorrow Louisa" my dad said

"Ok. Tomorrow it is Clark" I said smiling and looking forward for tomorrow to come. As I was next to the window I saw her exiting the front door. As I was looking at her, she suddenly turned around before exiting, like she knew I was watching her and gave me a smile. I smiled back at her and she left.

I have realized that Clark is the one person that made me have a purpose since my accident. But I still want to go to Dignitas. Not because this purpose isn't enough. Clark is the light through my darkness. She is my fresh air. And that scares me as much as it excites me. The reason I still want to go to Dignitas is because I love her so much as me, Will Traynor, the man inside this disabled body. She never felt pity for me. I see the light in her eyes when she looks at me. I recognize it. Because it's the very same light I have in my eyes when I look at her.

I wish we could have met before my accident. I wish I had more time with her. But it's not possible. Not because I don't love her. Because I do love her. Very much. I never thought I could feel such deep and real feelings for a girl so … –Alicia different- . Because I've always liked the Alicia style kind of women. But that is exactly the point. I liked. Not loved. Women before her where just a fling. An adventure. Clark is the first woman I ever loved. The bumblebee girl. My bumblebee girl. I knew it from the first second she walked into my life. With her sweet smile and her ridiculous clothes and her bad jokes, and her complete inability to ever hide a single thing she felt. Even if I was too stubborn and bitter to admit it to myself.

That's why I wish I could stay. Oh how I want to stay. But I know I want to stop suffering as well. I want to love Clark the way she deserves. I know she wants me as I am. She doesn't care about the wheelchair. And this could be a great life. But this is so hard. I would have stayed just for her if there was even a 1% chance for me to move even my arms. I am going to Dignitas. But even so, here is the only truth:

Clark changed my life forever. I love her and I will always will love her, even after Dignitas. Because my body will leave this world, but my soul and heart will never leave her. And then it hit me. I want her to know even after Dignitas how I feel about her. She knows deep inside that I love her. But I want to tell her. Even tell her what Michael Lawler discussed with me that day at the annex. I know she wanted to know. She would know anyway. Michael would inform her. But I will tell her instead. In this letter.

So … after the game ended, I told my dad I wanted to see some news on my computer and write some reviews in some economical sites. Thanks to my equipment that allowed me to type without using my hands and as I was ready to use it, my dad stepped outside and said:

"I'll leave you to it. I'll be in the kitchen reading if you need me"

And so he did. He made some coffee and grabbed the newspaper. And so I started.

Not reviewing some economical news of course. I started my letter to her. Typing the things I wanted to tell her. How I feel about her. That she is and always will be scored on my heart. Even after my body goes. My heart and soul will be with her in every step of the way. For the rest of her life. She is my first and last true love. I could have told her everything instead of writing this to her but she would have gotten too emotional and she wouldn't have let me finish. And I would be too emotional as well. I love her too much. Plus I want her to have something from me in her hands that reminds her that even I did went to Dignitas, I love her and I always wanted her than any other person to be with me in my life and in my last moments in Switzerland. But I do know that only my body will die and that I will go somewhere and be somewhere where I can look at her, look out for her, care for her and love her.

Because feelings as deep as those Clark and I share can never be vanished. If things were different, she is the person I would like to spend my life and grow old with and have kids with. Damn wheelchair. I can't get used to you and I'll never will. But I found a true love because of this wheelchair. She came as my carer and became the love I couldn't imagine I would find. My only true love. And she is the only thing that makes me smile when I get up in the morning. Louisa Clark. My Clark. I want the best for her and I want her to live. Bloody hell I am going to help her live. I will make sure she will be able to do what she didn't do in her entire life. I know she will be missing me always. But she will never lose me and I will never lose her. True love never dies. Bodies die, but soul, heart and true love, they live eternally. So here it is, to my eternal love, Louisa Clark…

I thought it would be nice for her to read this in my favorite spot. Paris, place Dauphin where I told her about it that day in the castle. That's why I wrote at first the exact directions for her to arrive there and then I continued with the letter. The front page was written in capital letters under her name:

"ONLY TO BE READ IN PARIS, PLACE DAUPHIN SITTING OUTSIDE A CAFÉ WITH A STRONG COFFEE AND A WORM CROISSANT WITH UNSALTED BUTTER AND STRAWBERRY JAM."

And then here it is, all I want to say to her:

"Clark, a few weeks should have passed by the time you read this. If you followed the instructions you'll be in Paris. On one of those chairs that never sit quite level on the pavement. I hope it's still sunny. Across the bridge to your right you will see L'Artisan Parfumeur. You should try the scent called Papillons Extreme. I always did think it would smell great on you. They're a few things I wanted to say and couldn't because you would have got all emotional and you wouldn't have let me finish. So here it is ….

When you get back home Michael Lawler will give you access to a bank account that contains enough to give you a new beginning. Don't start panicking. It's not enough for you to sit around for the rest of your life, but it should buy you your freedom. At least from that little town we both call home. Live boldly Clark. Push yourself. Don't settle. Wear those stripy legs with pride. Knowing you still have possibilities is a luxury. Knowing that I might have given them to you has eased something for me.

So … this is it …..

You are scored on my heart Clark. You were from the first day you walked in, with your sweet smile and your ridiculous clothes and your bad jokes and your complete inability to ever hide a single thing you felt. Don't think of me too often. I don't want you getting sad.

Just live well. Just live ….

I'll be walking beside you every step of the way.

Love,

Will"

My eyes are tearful as I finished the letter, imagining Clark reading this. I knew every reaction. I know her too well as she knows me by now. I want her to live boldly. To push herself and don't settle. I want her to live well. Just live. She will read the only truth she needs to know:

My eternal love for her. Louisa Clark: Scored on my heart forever. As I know that I will always be scored on her heart. True love is beyond any physical death. We will always have and love each other. She will always have me. And I will always have her.

And someday we will meet again …

 **P.s: So just so you know folks, I was devastated by Will's death. When I saw the movie and read the book, I thought my heart would crack open. There's never going to be another love story that will touch me as deeply as Will and Lou's love did. I wish he would live. I still hope that we will see him back somehow in a sequel or a third book. Please let me know what you think. The letter is the exact words that Will Traynor said to Clark in the last scene of the movie "Me before you". I love Will and Clark. Always.**

 **Characters belong to Jojo Moyes**


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